Origins of Thanksgiving

I took this section out of today's Mikey's Funnies, a daily humor email you can get at www.MikeysFunnies.com. It starts off with a brief thanksgiving is not just about blah blah blah then comes the reader's questions:

Q. Gosh, you're right, I, the average reader, am dumb as a post. What exactly are the origins of Thanksgiving?

A. Thanksgiving is, of course, a holiday invented by grocers and farmers to allow them to sell huge quantities of disgusting "traditional" foods that no one in his right mind would eat otherwise, such as squash. The average squash is a triumph of minimalism wherein Nature manages to convert mud into a plant without bothering to change its taste and texture. Attempts to improve the mud-like flavor of squash by the addition of delicate seasonings and spices have produced dishes that taste, at best, like delicately seasoned and spiced mud. A master chef, faced with the necessity of making a palatable squash dish, would throw in his funny hat and become a short-order cook at Denny's.

Q. That's quite a conspiracy theory. Where do the Black Helicopters fit it?

A. They transport the squash.